A Letter to My Daughter

To Embrey:

Here are the most important of all things that I need you to remember always,

Love Mama.

  1. You do not owe me anything. You came from me, but you are not owned by me, you are fully and completely yours and I am are here to support you in finding yourself and to give you a safe, loving, perfectly-imperfect home to do so within.
  2. There is NOTHING you can do or say that will ever make me love you less. The love I have for you burns constant and consistent forever.
  3. I am here to learn from you. You were given to me, by God, in order for me to grow more completely into who I am meant to be. I am so thankful to have such a wise soul (Yes, I know this about you even at age one!) who opens me to new ideas, who challenges my patterns of behavior, who shows me what it is to live in the moment with a tender and open heart.
  4. You are NOT what you do, you do not have to prove anything to me, your dad, or to the world. You do not have to deny yourself in order to be loved and accepted: in this home you have the freedom to be fully and completely yourself, to search, to fall, to get back up and to figure out who you are. And I will be here through it with you.
  5. People can be cruel. People can be mean. People can say things that will make your heart ache, that may make you doubt your brilliance and doubt yourself; do not let their words define you. The words they speak come from their own insecurities, hurt and shame and are NOT yours to own.
  6. You are allowed to have boundaries – physical and emotional. I will respect your space and you have the right to demand the same from all others in your life.
  7. There will be moments of struggle in your lifetime and when it arrives, it can feel like the darkness, hurt, sadness, pain will never be any different; but I assure you, it will. Allow yourself to pay attention to it, do not get lost in it, but meet it with compassion, gentleness and curiosity – it will speak to you, it will reveal what you need and it will move. Most importantly, I am here for you through it all.
  8. Your body is amazing, strong, beautiful and wise. It is YOUR body. You get to call the shots and you do not owe any part of it to anyone, ever. It is your sacred home.
  9. There will be many unanswered questions in your lifetime. Try, if you can to not get stuck in the questioning of “why”. See if rather, you can allow the question to just be, holding it gently, not with a gripping hand and know that all will be well.
  10. There is nothing more important that loving yourself well and in turn loving others well. It is not only okay, but necessary that you put yourself first – take care of your mind, body and spirit, then from this place, then spread kindness, care and compassion into the world.
  11. Find friends – really good, solid friends. The kind that support you in being your most authentic self and the kind that know how to give and receive. Great relationships are not one sided.
  12. Take many moments in your day to just pause. To utter gratitude, to look or step outside and marvel at this world, though broken, it remains still beautiful.
  13. When you grow up, if you pursue a relationship or marriage, do not settle. Learn from all your relationships but do not accept any less than someone who honors you, respects you, loves you as you are and also supports your growth.
  14. Follow your dreams, honor, and listen to the deepest part of yourself and live from that place.

And finally,

I love you more than I ever thought possible to love. Thank you for making me a mother and showing me all the things I never even knew I needed to know.

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